Cold water

Bleary eyed morning.

Had two cups of tea – big ones, another day but the same routine.

Go and have your shower, OK.

But the split second after I have disrobed it comes.

How about if we don’t do it today?

No, you must!

But I don’t want to.

I could skip it today.

The mind fills with reasons not to.

Not feeling well, give yourself a day off.

Must be careful not to over do it.

No, you must.

No, you must, wins out, for now.

I can already feel the cold air on my skin.

The sprinkles from the jet hit the floor and sting my feet.

Thirty eight, thirty nine, forty, forty one.

That’ll do.

At first you don’t feel it but then the warmth resonates.

Ahhhh! Lovely!

Splashes on your face, trickles down your back.

Only the soles of the feet are still cold.

Do I notice the difference or is my attention taken to the pleasant sensation?

There is steam and soon the floor is warm too.

I could stay like this forever, so warm, so comfortable.

Then it comes.

Time for cold, just do it.

Turn the dial.

Fuck!

Thirty nine, thirty five, thirty, still warm.

Twenty eight, twenty six, here it comes.

You feel it first on your forehead.

It’s vague at first and then bingo!

Twenty one, it’s always twenty one.

Now it’s cold and the count begins.

One thousand, two thousand.

Sixteen, twelve, ten.

Fuck! Fuck!

Five thousand, six thousand.

The mind does strange things.

All there is is cold, icy cold.

Will it be ten or seven degrees today, why does it differ?

It makes no difference.

The body tenses up either way.

The shoulders come up and the breathing changes.

Nipples are hard, the heat has definitely left.

Ten thousand, eleven, am I counting too fast? Slow it down.

It’s down to eight degrees.

The mind is blank, the counting is automatic.

Twenty six, twenty seven.

I can turn on three, two, one.

Fuck!

Now it’s down my back, over my buttocks.

My shoulders come up again as the freezing liquid hits them.

One thousand, two thousand.

Close your eyes, this is just a sensation.

Why am I rejecting it?

Because I seek comfort.

Because I avoid discomfort.

Mind over matter.

Twenty one, twenty two, counting too fast.

Nearly there, twenty eight and turn.

Turn the dial.

Forehead going numb.

Is it warming up?

Yes, I think it is now.

Twenty six, thirty.

C’mon!

Forty two, doesn’t feel like forty two.

And then the heat hits, turn and turn again.

Stupid little shower!

Oh! That’s good.

See, a minute isn’t long.

Always comes to an end.

Easy peasy.

Why does my body like one and not the other?

Or is it my mind?

Is it both?

They choose between good and bad, like and dislike.

It’s automatic, close your eyes.

Cold water again, not so bad second time.

I could do longer than a minute.

Why don’t you then?

Ok, I will. I could double the time.

Forty five, forty six.

God! That’s cold, maybe tomorrow.

And turn.

Not so bad on the back, do longer, 

There is only discomfort and the mind is looking for a way out.

Maybe next time.

Close your eyes, it’s just a sensation.

Why am I rejecting a sensation?

Life is one long sensation.

Why differentiate?

We welcome, we discard.

It’s just cold water.

Cold water is cold water simply being cold water.

Hot water – the same.

Do I hate the cold water for being cold water?

No, of course I don’t.

It’s just doing it’s thing, being it’s thing.

I think about people.

People being people.

Do I hate them for being what they are

Like cold water?

People too are a sensation, they come, they go.

Doing their thing.

I like some, I despise others.

But they are just like cold water.

Open to interpretation.

A sensation.

Be here now in the sensation.

Accept the sensation

Trust the sensation.

Learn to love the sensation.

I am human, I am missing out by rejecting aspects of creation, aspects of life.

Love everything.

Love cold water.

Icy water.

Cold water.

Learn to love it.

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